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Tuesday, 29 December 2009


  • Wake me up when December ends

    its now 10:33-- I just hopped out of the shower.. i gave myself a mini facial.. why am I when i dont plan to do much for the next few days but sleep and not wake up til December ends?
    I didnt go to bed until 11am  this morning and awoke at 630 pm. My mom came in my room and ask me why Ive been in here? I guess my daddy told her. Its strange..my parents never worry like this..they worry, just never by coming into my room, telling me please eat something, telling me why am i cooped up in here.
    I pushed her away, I felt bad I did..so I just got up n did the things we humans must do--food in your stomache and bathe.

    I know, everyone is asking why i would blog to the public? Maybe its because Its just easier then telling another person. I feel at peace when i do write..I guess u can say what I write is a bit cryptic. Why I would blog to the public? Maybe its just a cry for help? Or maybe Im just hurting inside so bad.

    I realize something, u learn more about the other person and what the other person is capable of doing after u guys argue. I learned alot. I learn that regardless how nice and genuine one may be.. its not always goin to be that way forever. And I know that everything doesnt last forever. You can try ur best to make one understand..but if they refuse.. then theres nothign more u can do.

    As a girl, yes we cant do much but deal. It sucks, but yes.

    I hate my heart.
    I hate having emotions.
    I dont ever want to feel this pain.

    Theres some things u cant compare. Like, the things we do for relationships. Your obviously going to think ur better.. but definitely cant think that way. Regardless about the physical labor a guy might do... girls cannot climb a damn building, but we show with simple things..whether its spending her time making a meal for her boyfriend...introduce him to a whole new world...willing to go with him to his friend's gatherings because it makes him happy...  <----------- stuff like that is just as great. Its the things from the heart that actually matters.

    When women do things, we dont look for any praise or reward..
    When men do things.. its like they want a reward for doing great for the DAY.
    Well look, we do things for u all the time, not just ONE day.
    You might not see it, or touch it, but u can feel it when we do.
    I wish that person would just understand or try to see what im trying to say.
    I hope u dont see this message as me hating u, but more like me trying to get u to see from diff. prospectives.

    ...............................................................

    Im going to take a few ambien n fall asleep to Twlight. I dont want to wake up and deal with this year anymore. Im going to sleep for days. Please Wake Me up When December ends.
    Sometimes sleeping is easier to do then dealing. I dealt with alot..kept it in..swallow bricks...but i cant do that anymore.
    When i awake..

    I hope i dont have to feel anything.
    I hope I wont have to deal with anything.
    Go through anything like this ever..it hurts so bad.. like a thousand needles.
    I just want to be numb and not ever feel pain.

    "If he doesnt want u at ur worst then he doesn't deserve u at ur best" -J

    2010--I propose to you that I will be a stronger person and I cannot let anything EVER pull me down again.




Friday, 11 December 2009


  • Its December and its freaking cold!!!!
    Alot of stuff is happening and I thought I would blog myself to sleep.
    This month is such a  busy time for me.
    -photoshoots for clothing, body jewelry, a car shoot that I heard will be on a car accessory website yay
    -FINALS
    -christmas shopping ahhhhh

    Gees i get sooo exhausted at 5pm and now its 5am im wide awake? Ok so at 5pm I tried to not nap to get my internal clock functioning like normal again----FAILED. I napped from 5-8? :(  During the mornings Im like a freaking zombie. Only caffeine can save my life. ~_________~ 

    My final for environmental science is the 22nd. EEEEEEEEKKK. I feel that this will include an essay as well as multiple choice and mini essay questions. My professor said it will literally take us 2 hours to finish. He doesnt kid. Ive already know 5 chapters but still need to go over 3 more chapters!! TERM WORDS, DIAGRAMS,EXAMPLES are what I need to memorize.  I need memory supplements!!!!!

    So much is going on this week i think I might die. Fri-Sat my agency paid for my room @ the Taj because I'll be part of this BIGG model event. It includes--cocktail parties, a choreograph dance set, more parties, a competition where me along with 20 girls are competing for 1st Prize: 1,000, 2nd: 500 and 3rd: 200.  All models get paid for attending as well as FREE rooms and meals. Basically--PARTY,DRINK,MEET PEOPLE,EAT + INDOOR POOL!!!!!!
    My boyfriend Rob is going to be there as well. <3

    gOsh, i love rob. Im so comfortable with him sometimes I feel like I've known him for years even though we've only been together for two months. I use to feel so alone even when im surrounded by tons of friends. When I had boyfriends in the past, I always felt alone..like its just me in the relationship. But with Rob, I've never ever felt alone ever. Its something different and I love it. You know the saying "when u least expect something, it'll just come to u?"  ----He's it.  I mean.. i think we're a cool couple. We play videogames together, cook together, we're both party animals, our friends get along ( A bIGG PLUS ). His friends are amazing, i dont think i've ever met people like that..n its just so refreshing :)

    Christmas is soonish :)
    Im glad I have more things to smile about this year.

    Holiday baking with my boyfriend !! Cant wait to eat sugar cookies :)






Tuesday, 17 November 2009


  • I dont think anyone understands the level of exhaustion Im in.
    Im sooo damn tired I dont think I got anything done this weekend nor today!!!!!  IM SO FCKIN PISSED AT MYSELF. Work overload, school work overload, P.R. events overload. No time at all. I wish there were more time in a day or BETTER--a longer weekend! With the holidays just around the corner and FINALS on top of that.. I'm literally going to have to BUCKLE down and concentrate....  

    ** so please friends, DO NOT ask me to come out during the weekdays or weekends because I WILL be BUSY BUSY studying!! Unless its lunch I can take a break :) **

    Whats coming up:
    -one of my bestest friends Christina is visiting fr LA just for tonight..so have to spend some time hangin with her and the girls ... im tired..please dont hate mee :(

    -Start on my report thats due after Thanksgiving! :(

    -Environmental Science EXAM this week (STUDY STUDY) The whole class literally FAILED this exam so we are retaking it.

    -Work on my Public Relations resume

    -Axe Promotional event Nov. 27-28

    -Thanksgiving (time with friends,fam n possibly the bf? *crosses fingers*)

    -After thnksgiving study for FINALS, make study sheet

    -I'm doing PR for a fashion event "Fashion Rocks!" this SAT. @ Patou in olde city.
    $10 ticket includes OPEN BAR + O'RDEURVES .  
    Please come out and support. This is all for a good cause.



    I'm really pissed at myself. I have no one else to blame but myself. jrhjfhje7u3whfkuhliawhfl
    Its so hard for me to concetrate because when im doing a task, im thinking about working on the other task. Can people be depress because they are so stressed out? Literally i want to shout and scream and jump off a cliff right now. My entire life I have ALWAYS done sht for myself and never asking for anybody for help. I carried my entire world on top of my shoulders and who knew with one slip my world can fall into shambles. I really hate to say this... but having a relationship is putting a toll on my daily life. sigh sigh.

     MEME      MEME
    ME ME ME ME ME
     MEMEMEMEME
        MEMEMEME
            MEMEM
                ME




Sunday, 01 November 2009

  • Currently
    Nothing Personal
    By All Time Low
    weightless
    see related

    Wow... It seems like I write in my xanga when Im feeling emo. haha.

    Im known for being the ultimate party girl in philly...I'm always down to party. Err.. lately I have been slowly feeling partied out, especially after this weekend. I just see the point of going anymore ??  I would much rather work the event: doing public relations etc.

    Friday night after a party ..someone did a driveby n threw a half brick at my arm. I was busy talkin to my friends I didnt really stop to look. They sped off. Fckin pathetic people cant even face me. HAHA. I guess ur something if people hate u for no apparent reason right?

    This isnt highschool. We are not 16 yrs old anymore. Please grow up and get a life. I dislike people who think they are better then others when they have not accomplish or done anything worth praising.  I know people who have accomplished so much IE: was in a movie, music video, magazines... yet are so down to earth and modest. People dislike u because ur "different" whether it is because of ur interest or the way you look.  But u kno what.. being different.. or looking different is the BEST characteristic in the world. Because seriously,who wants to look like the next bitch next to u?

    btw, I have a boyfriend!! haha I have been saying that word for over 3 weeks now n Im still not used to the idea of having a boyfriend and being in a relationship after 17 mths of being single. I am not a believer of relationships or having a boyfriend because u just end up getting hurt and heartbroken. My past heartbreaks were so bad i swore off relationships. Rob just sorta grew on me and at first I could not picture myself with him.. but after time .. hes just what I need. He's the sweetest and most caring boyfriend ever. When Im sad.. he sends me funny videos to cheer me up..lol  I admired the fact that hes so polite to everyone.. even people who doesnt show him respect back. He's so positive about life.. and having him in my life just balance me out. MOST IMPORTANTLY---he can dance . :) No more asshole boys... after 8 years of dating assholes.. I really truly deserve a nice guy.

    "She never ask for anything but got everything"

     

Monday, 11 May 2009

  •  

    I'm bored.
    What do you do when you're bored like me??

    This coming summer might be terrible :(
    Alot people are graduating or going back home for the summer. I'm so sick of Philadelphia. I want to explore and do things I havent done..or maybe do it in a new place. (Not a sexual comment)
    I should go to California for a month over the summer. California is where I want to be!

    I'm expecting new changes to come. Don't you think changes are kind of scarey?? I'm just talking about the changes in my career field. I'm lucky to even hold a job in something I went to school for, but yet I'm not happy.
    So this new job should be a refreshment, and hey more money is nice!

    ..............

    I realize that I have to stop myself from falling....
    The fall is not going to be worth it. I cant continue to fall just so one day u can catch me.

    Goodbye my almost lover.